Are Your Security Guards as Useless as Mine?

We’re frustrated with our building’s security guards. What’s new? In my other post on this topic, I complained our security guards were afraid of teenagers who trespassed into our commons’ area, where the slides and monkey bars are. The teenagers have been known to sit on the benches next to the playground, making parents and their tiny children uncomfortable — people who either rent or own apartments in our building and who pay monthly dues for security. We have no idea why they’re in our playground.

At one time, the teenagers would settle in on the benches so that they’d have four or five individuals packed up against each other like sardines. Then they’d get loud and obnoxious, laughing at dumb stuff with shrill, fake cackles, throw cigarette butts and juice boxes on the floor of the playground and annoy the shit out of the rest of us. For some reason, the guards were terrified of them. The night guard would let out a loud sigh, and ask: “What can I do? I pick up their butts and show them that it wrong to litter, but they don’t listen.” What can you do? Kick them out!

One night, my daughter slid down the slide and over a lit cigarette. We’d only been there for a couple of minutes, so I didn’t see who threw it. Only two teenagers were around, on the bench, of course, a smoky-smelling grumbly guy and a fat girl, so I picked on them. When I pried the guy and his languid butt off the bench, she started shrieking at me. Realizing he was about to land on the sidewalk outside our building’s grounds, he argued: “It wasn’t me. It was another person.” About five minutes later, when we were finally enjoying our moment in the playground, a woman came over and told me:

“It was him.” I didn’t know one way or the other. I was just upset at the tobacco stain across my daughter’s bottom.

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